Effort vs. Mercy

I am in love. I'm in love with Gerry Bertier and Julius Campbell. I'm in love with Willie Weathers and basically any of those cheesy football movies. There is something about those characters that "pull themselves up by their bootstraps." They tug at my heart. I empathize with their sense of failure and I applaud their courage to keep on even in the face of insurmountable odds. When they have worked hard enough and long enough they always achieve the victory. Isn't this Hollywood's favorite lesson? To quote Elle Woods from Legally Blonde,

"You must always have faith in people. And most importantly, you must always have faith in yourself."

We love to see Gerry and Julius fight out their racial tensions and become self-declared "brothers" who win the football game and transform the town (Remember the Titans). Our hearts beg Willie's girlfriend to give him a second chance, to have more faith in him because he is changing his ways and beginning to look past the divisions of gang membership (Gridiron Gang). Don't get me wrong, having faith in other people and in yourself is a great lesson, but how does this play out in real life? In reality, my problems don't get solved in a two hour time frame with heart-wrenching music playing in the background. At least in my life, the effort I put into something doesn't always correlate with the outcome. In fact, most of the time the outcome doesn't even get seen for a few years.

As Christians, we have been set free from the law as a system of salvation. We are justified by faith in Christ and no longer slaves to the law of effort, but freed unto the grace of God. Our salvation does not ever depend on what we do, and in the same way it can not ever be endangered by what we do or fail to do. Yet we struggle to believe this. In our human minds we equate a right relationship with God with discipline, obedience, ritual, and effort. The battle in our hearts is to think that Jesus came to modify our behavior, to clean up our morals, to make us better people. When will I start to see that making Jesus a behaviorist simply makes Him smaller in my eyes. My depraved heart struggles to see the greatness of God beyond my behavior because I have been taught to believe that effort equals results. But my obedience does not bring about blessing. And that is HARD for me to hear. I want to believe that any success I have is a result of my effort. I want to believe that being obedient and faithful in raising my support will somehow be pleasing enough to the Lord so that He will bless me with the money I need for this ministry. 2 Corinthians 3:4-6 says,

"Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, who has made us competent to be ministers of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit. For the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life."

I am not sufficient in and of myself to claim anything as having come from me. Even my obedience in fundraising, even my walk with the Lord, even my limited knowledge of mercy. For He has called me OUT of the life of bondage of living by the letter of the law and its demands. And He has called me to live and walk by the Spirit for the glory of His name and not my own.

"Then what becomes of our boasting? IT IS EXCLUDED. By what kind of law? By a law of works? No, but by the law of faith. For we hold that one is justified by faith apart from works of the law." Romans 3:27-28

Many times in my life the Lord chooses to keep me from successes to remind me of His Sovereignty and to completely undercut any tendencies toward boasting and pride. I cannot look at my daily efforts to raise support and say "look what I have done." That thought is excluded because my faith is not in myself and my ability but in the Lord. And in the same way, there is absolutely no room for me to say, "this isn't fair! Everyone else has reached their fundraising goals and now I am behind." The LAST thing I want from a Holy God is justice. If I am not experiencing the utter wrath and curses of God then I am experiencing God's mercy! Praise God that it's not fair! Praise God that I am not getting what I deserve! Because what I deserve is eternal separation from Him and punishment for my totally depraved heart. In this way, my envy of others who are further along than I am in raising their support is a form of pride. It is me saying that I deserve more than I have. But every inclination of my heart is only evil all the time (Genesis 6:5). I am in love with Gerry, Julius, and Willie because my heart longs to be that person that tirelessly works hard to rise above failure and get the glory that is deserved. But I pray that the Lord would change my heart. That my fears may be stilled and my strivings would cease so I would rest and delight in His glory. It does not depend on my effort. It depends on His mercy.

"Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to your name give glory, for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness." Psalm 115:1