JMU food thoughts

You learn things when you are used to living by yourself and you are suddenly forced to coexist with other people. This week, while being an amazing dose of community, has also been an amazing dose of reality. I've discovered that I am a snob about my food. For example, I love yogurt but it has to be the fruit on the bottom kind. None of this "light" nonsense. Who really wants less calories in something that is already healthy for you? Come ON yogurt companies! If the healthy stuff doesn't taste amazing then why on earth would I eat it?! If I want to diet I will stay away from the Oreo's, not try to subtract calories from the only healthy thing I eat. Whatever happened to "a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down"? Kashi cereals have this concept down. I was sold from their very first commercial. The guy starts out by saying, "I hate healthy foods." Heeeey, me too!! But wait, it's a commercial for HEALTH FOODS! That guy goes out searching for health foods that TASTE GOOD- what a concept (and yes, of course he does the commercial and does the food hunting). I have to tell ya, Kashi commercials got me, hook, line, and sinker, and I am delighted to say that they followed through on their promise. I have never experienced a more tasty health food cereal in my life. All it takes is a little bit of sugar- the real kind, not the nasty splenda kind. Way to go Kashi!

On the complete opposite end of the spectrum, my food snobbery also shows up in my beverage choices. For example, hot chocolate MUST be Swiss Miss, there is no other brand that even comes close to bringing justice to the name "hot chocolate." Furthermore, a decent cup of hot chocolate entails one and a half packets of mix. One packet is much too watery, and two packets is much too sugary. This will explain the half-full and delicately refolded packets of Swiss Miss that currently occupy my food closet. Lastly, if one is to put whip cream in this steaming cup of sugary goodness, the cream must be placed into the cup after the Swiss Miss has been dumped in and BEFORE the water is poured over it. Cream on the top is just to make it look pretty. Would you rather have hot chocolate that looks pretty or hot chocolate that tastes creamy? Exactly. I've also strengthened my opinions on Oreo's, that if they aren't double stuff they are a waste of calories, as with any kind of cookie/brownie/cake that is made from a mix. (Disclaimer: it is acceptable to make muffins from a mix, but in this case it must be done using the correct brand which creates the correct consistency for a muffin. Muffins should not taste like cupcakes, they should be soft but more rubbery than crummy).

Really, I'm not sure where any of this came from- it has nothing to do with anything spiritual or anything related to raising support. Still, here it is, on my blog, the things I learned about food and myself while I was away at JMU.

JMU... round one

So I have officially entered the land of hiking hippies... James Madison University. This is a world where using a hairdryer is sinful and wearing makeup on a daily basis is unheard of. Sleep occurs between the hours of 2a.m. and 7a.m. and showers? What are those? The label snobs of JMU do not flaunt their Abercrombie, Hollister, or J.Crew, they flaunt R.E.I. Pajama's aren't needed because work-out clothes can be worn at night as well as all throughout the day. While a typical question at CNU might have been "what time are we meeting to watch Grey's?" the typical question at JMU is "what time are we meeting to go [insert almost any kind of high energy, sweaty activity which include but are not limited to: hiking, swimming, biking, running, and power walking].

I don't think I've ever felt like more of a girlie girl than when I requested to take a shower before going out to breakfast. The literal response was, "why? you're just going to get sweaty later." And it was true. AC is almost as scarce work-out clothes in my closet.

Okay, so while there may be some slight exaggerations to the previous paragraphs, most of it rings true and I have felt a little bit of a culture shock coming from preppy (read: lazy) CNU. However, there have been some fabulous parts of Harrisonburg that have already started to woo my heart.

1. I live in a house that has a front porch complete with a bright orange hammock (always wanted one of those!).

2. The mornings in Harrisonburg just might be my favorite. I love waking up to cool mountain air and sipping tea in a big old mug and reading my Bible on the front porch.

3. We not only have stray cats, we have stray snails. No, not slugs, snails (complete with shell and slime).

4. There is an older lady down the street who consistently wears the same color shirt and shorts. Her van parked in front of her house is always packed as if she lived out of it (I think she may use it like an extra closet for storage). She also feeds the stray cats and picks their fleas off of them.

5. The church I visited on Sunday morning was probably the best most scripturally grounded church I have ever been to in my life. The Sola's hung from a wall behind the podium from which the pastor spoke. The worship of the congregation brought tears to my eyes.

It has been an exhausting and somewhat overwhelming trip for me, and it's not quite over. However, it has also been unbelievably amazing. I can not wait until I am finally able to
move here. The women here are incredible, especially the leaders I've met so far. They are so willing to pour themselves out for the sake of the Gospel and I can't wait to come alongside them in pouring out and pouring into them.

Today CJ told me that I need 20 people to support more at $25 a month and 10 people to support me at $50 a month in order to be able to intern this year. Where will these people come from? I'm not sure. Keep praying kids!

REJOICE!

So friends, after many tears and trials and moments of extreme neediness, I can finally write to say that I have reached the halfway point in my support raising and have been permitted to visit campus for the very first week of classes!! This is an immense blessing to me for several reasons.

A. It means the struggles of raising support are half way over!
B. I get to escape to JMU for a week to meet the girls I will be living with this year.
C. It will be so refreshing to do the thing I love most about this job: be with college students.

I am so excited to meet new students and be introduced to the chapter at JMU. It is just going to be an incredible week and a much needed reminder of why I am going through this process of raising my support. I get to be a part of their leadership meetings, help with their New Student Outreaches, go to their girls night, and attend their very first large group! On top of that I get to hang out with the girls in the house I'll be living in, and during the days I get to just be with and meet other college students at JMU!

Many of you know what a struggle it has been for me to get to this point and I just want to thank you so very much for all of your support and encouragement as I've wrestled through this. I'm thankful for the opportunity to visit campus during the first, most important week, and I know I owe that to all of you who have faithfully prayed and financially contributed and encouraged me consistently. I can't wait to share stories from the week! In the meantime, be praying for the week I am gone- August 24th-September 1st, that it would be a week of rejuvenation and joy and many experiences of God's faithfulness.

"And now to Him who is able to do EXCEEDINGLY more than all we ask or imagine- to HIM be the glory both now and forevermore."
Amen.

Letter From My Cousin:

Dear Lindsay,
Here is some money for what you are doing with InterVarsity. I hope you are doing well, and I hope this money helps. I will be praying for you that you will be able to raise all the money you need and that people will come to Christ because of what you are doing. Thank you for what you are doing Lindsay.
Love,
Roger

I love that the people who can't afford to give millions of dollars actually end up giving the most- they give what they have and it is given with such heartfelt sincerity that I am not only touched, but encouraged and reminded to keep pressing on. It is people like my cousin who give out of their tender desire to contribute and be a part of what the Lord is doing, that bless me beyond measure. Yes, raising my support is hard, but I am thankful for these moments of unbelievable blessing.

Something Beautiful

*Remembering the definition of grace: mercy contrary to merit

*two more anonymous donors (if you are one of them, thank you from the bottom of my heart- seriously.)

*the feeling that I am surrounded by support and encouragement from others

*an anonymous encouraging note in the mail (with a redhead girl on it!)

*beautiful blue flowers that blossom to a yellow streak of sunshine

*knowing I heard Him ask me to follow, and deciding in my heart that I will, no matter where He ends up going.

*driving home on a summer night with the windows down and listening to the sound of the crickets and cicada's

*that though we sometimes receive blessing through our efforts, we never receive it by our efforts or because of them. Grace would cease to be grace if it was given according to earnings or for that matter un-earnings. Grace is not only contrary to merit, but to demerit; it is given solely based on the Sovereign goodness of God without the slightest regard for my behavior.

*getting excited for fall bonfires, sweatshirts, crunchy leaves, hot cider and football games

*"and these are the days of the harvest
the fields are as white in the world,
and we are the laborers in your vineyard
declaring the Word of the Lord."

*this comic strip has been hanging on my refrigerator for about a year now, but this morning is has new meaning. There are two scruffy beggars on the sidewalk, one is standing up holding out a money jar that says "help." The other is sitting inside a cardboard box, holding out a similar jar to collect people's loose change. The guy who is standing up says to the one in the cardboard box, "you're lucky you get to work from home." While I'm not exactly homeless and while fundraising doesn't quite consist of holding out a coin jar, I often feel a lot like the guy in the cardboard box- trapped and needy. It feels like I am just sitting around all day asking people for money and sometimes I get so caught up in what ISN'T happening that I forget to rejoice in what is happening. So even if home is a "cardboard box" so to speak, I am blessed to spend extra time with my family and to have food to eat and a room to call my own. I am blessed beyond measure to have this ministry of raising my support, though it is hard and often way out of my comfort range, I am blessed to be learning dependence and coming to a fuller understanding of grace.

and the last "something beautiful" thought of the day:
*playing fetch with my dog. She doesn't care when I kick the ball incorrectly or when I get sick of playing- she just always wants to catch that ball and bring it right back to my feet. I love her endless excitement.

Yes I Will...

Yes I Will

In the passion of Your sacrifice
I saw the prophecy fulfilled
The Healer of the world, the wounded Christ
I heard You say, come follow me
So I will, yes I will

Follow You Jesus, all the way up that hill
Follow You Jesus, all the way up that hill
To the cross where the river runs
Crimson even still, yes I will
Follow You Lord, I will

On the sacred path, You bled for us
Scored and broken, up that hill
How terrible the cross, how glorious (how glorious)
I heard You say, come follow me (follow me)
So I will, yes I will

Follow You Jesus, all the way up that hill
Follow You Jesus, all the way up that hill
To the cross where the river runs
Crimson even still, yes I will
Follow You, Lord
I will (I will), yes I will (I will)

In my weakness, when I feel afraid
Hear me Jesus, when I call Your name
Won't You help me Lord, won't You help me Lord
Please help me Lord (please help me Jesus)
Can You help me Lord (please help me Lord)

Follow You Jesus, all the way up that hill
Follow You Jesus, all the way up that hill
(I will follow all the way)
To the cross where the river runs
Crimson even still, yes I will
Follow You, Lord (follow You)
I will (I will follow), yes I will (I will follow You)

Help me Jesus, when I feel afraid

Lord, I will follow you. Though I am weak and though unbelief and fear still plague me, I will follow you with total abandon. Capture my heart, take my hand and lead the way...

Fire

The fire right above my room- it doubled in size every 30 seconds.

A pile of things they "salvaged" from my room. Anything that wasn't
burned was so damaged by water and ashes that it had to be thrown out.

My water-logged and unreadable journals.


Today, August 4th, is the one year anniversary of my apartment being struck by lightning. It seems so long ago that I can hardly believe it has only been one year. There is A LOT that I don't remember from those first few months after the fire- it all got lost in headaches and insurance paperwork and replacing items. Still, I'm thankful for that lightning bolt. My time with the Lord during those months was so raw and real. He had wounded me, but He wanted to heal me. The very hardest thing to lose was my journals. I had faithfully journaled since 7th grade and in one strike of lightning they all disappeared. But the Lord is faithful. If you depend on one way of communicating with Him, He will inevitably long to teach you a new way. This past year I have learned the great value of praying outloud with other people. In a way it is similar to journaling because you are forced to put words to your thoughts, but where it is greater is that it builds community and fellowship and sometimes even accountability. That is just one example of how the Lord used the fire to take away something "good" that I was clinging to, to give me something more of Himself. During that time I took A LOT of comfort in these verses:

Hosea 6:1
"Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces
but he will heal us;
he has injured us
but he will bind up our wounds."

Philippians 3:7-9
"But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him."

This is the email that I sent out four days after the fire to let everyone know how I was doing. It's amazing for me to read it and realize how true those words turned out to be. There was much anger and tears, but there was much dependence and blessing.


My friends,
I first of all want to apologize for not returning ims and phone
calls as quickly as I would have wanted to. Please know that amidst
the overwhelming paperwork and scurrying around newport news looking
for places to live, each and every phone call has slowed me down for a
minute to just warm my heart with a smile. So thank you for that
precious gift. This email is my lousy attempt to let all of you know
as soon as possible that I am fine; in fact, in surprisingly high
spirits. Yesterday was a big day for me, I had to go to the freeman
center to look through all of the "salvageable" items that the fire
company had boxed up. I was of course, expecting nothing, but Donna
surprised me with 8 boxes and 5 bags full of my things! It was like
Christmas! God just put a tickle in my heart and I was able to be so
overjoyed about the littlest things which I know was such a blessing
to Donna who had worked with grumpy, angry students all day. In the
end I had to throw everything away because it was so badly damaged by
the ashes, water, and fire. But God just gave me this perspective
that it wasn't a loss at all, it was a means for Him to humble me and
bless me. There were three items of significance to me that were very
minimally damaged and that I was able to keep... my gold and diamond
necklace from my Mom, my beautiful green formal dress (it was
untouched because it had a bag around it and was in the back end of
the closet!), and a Lenox mug that a friend gave to me (it was in the
dishwasher so it was safe).

I was reminded this weekend of the song "Indescribable" by Chris
Tomlin. The song has long been used to draw me deeper into the
knowledge and worship of God's strength and power. However, it spoke
to me this time of His Sovereignty. The line that says "who has told
every lightning bolt where it should go?" just silences me. His love
for me is so real that He would send lightning to cause me to push
deeper into His arms. We ask God all the time to "burn the Kingdoms I
have made" and I'm here to tell you that as scared as we get of
letting God do that, there is nothing that has made me more free. He
gets to teach me now to just relax in His goodness and total control.
Of course there will be (and has been) tears and anger along the way,
but I just wanted to share with you those quick stories of how He has
been showing up, speaking Truth and just allowing my heart to trust
Him with everything (ha, cuz everything is not a whole lot, maybe He
figured He'd start small :0P).

In the meantime, everyone keeps asking what I need, and really I
haven't known what to say to that because there's just so much. But I
thought of something today. PRAYERS. I really need specific prayer
in two areas right now. One, that God would give me the grace to
accept as people come running in to help, and to ask when I need more
help. It is so hard for me to let other people buy things for me or
hand me money. I've somehow acquired this awesome skill
of "independence" and worry often about burdening others. But right
now I need to "burden" others because they are all that I have. So
please pray that my heart would soften to allow others to be taking
care of me. Second, that God would ordain rooming situations. I have
decided that the cheapest option for me is to stay in the hotel with
hopes that I will be moved back on campus eventually. However, living
in Madison has made me accustomed to privacy and "my own space" so
pray that either God would transform that desire in me, or that He
would bless it by giving me a good roommate. I'm excited to see what
this year holds, especially as God reveals to me more and more about
what He's been up to with me this summer, but I know that I am me and
the little worries will start to try to creep back so please just pray
against those.

If you want to do more than pray, you can always write to me and
tell me that you are praying for me (insert big cheesy smile here) I
*used to* save all my love letters, but they are all gone now, so feel
free to replenish the stack! Just please make sure you don't send me
firey red cards, or gift certificates for anything BBQ... I've had
about enough crispyness for now! :0P

His,
Lindsay

"Because of the Lord's GREAT LOVE we are not consumed, for His
compassions NEVER fail."
Lamentations 3:22

Effort vs. Mercy

I am in love. I'm in love with Gerry Bertier and Julius Campbell. I'm in love with Willie Weathers and basically any of those cheesy football movies. There is something about those characters that "pull themselves up by their bootstraps." They tug at my heart. I empathize with their sense of failure and I applaud their courage to keep on even in the face of insurmountable odds. When they have worked hard enough and long enough they always achieve the victory. Isn't this Hollywood's favorite lesson? To quote Elle Woods from Legally Blonde,

"You must always have faith in people. And most importantly, you must always have faith in yourself."

We love to see Gerry and Julius fight out their racial tensions and become self-declared "brothers" who win the football game and transform the town (Remember the Titans). Our hearts beg Willie's girlfriend to give him a second chance, to have more faith in him because he is changing his ways and beginning to look past the divisions of gang membership (Gridiron Gang). Don't get me wrong, having faith in other people and in yourself is a great lesson, but how does this play out in real life? In reality, my problems don't get solved in a two hour time frame with heart-wrenching music playing in the background. At least in my life, the effort I put into something doesn't always correlate with the outcome. In fact, most of the time the outcome doesn't even get seen for a few years.

As Christians, we have been set free from the law as a system of salvation. We are justified by faith in Christ and no longer slaves to the law of effort, but freed unto the grace of God. Our salvation does not ever depend on what we do, and in the same way it can not ever be endangered by what we do or fail to do. Yet we struggle to believe this. In our human minds we equate a right relationship with God with discipline, obedience, ritual, and effort. The battle in our hearts is to think that Jesus came to modify our behavior, to clean up our morals, to make us better people. When will I start to see that making Jesus a behaviorist simply makes Him smaller in my eyes. My depraved heart struggles to see the greatness of God beyond my behavior because I have been taught to believe that effort equals results. But my obedience does not bring about blessing. And that is HARD for me to hear. I want to believe that any success I have is a result of my effort. I want to believe that being obedient and faithful in raising my support will somehow be pleasing enough to the Lord so that He will bless me with the money I need for this ministry. 2 Corinthians 3:4-6 says,

"Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, who has made us competent to be ministers of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit. For the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life."

I am not sufficient in and of myself to claim anything as having come from me. Even my obedience in fundraising, even my walk with the Lord, even my limited knowledge of mercy. For He has called me OUT of the life of bondage of living by the letter of the law and its demands. And He has called me to live and walk by the Spirit for the glory of His name and not my own.

"Then what becomes of our boasting? IT IS EXCLUDED. By what kind of law? By a law of works? No, but by the law of faith. For we hold that one is justified by faith apart from works of the law." Romans 3:27-28

Many times in my life the Lord chooses to keep me from successes to remind me of His Sovereignty and to completely undercut any tendencies toward boasting and pride. I cannot look at my daily efforts to raise support and say "look what I have done." That thought is excluded because my faith is not in myself and my ability but in the Lord. And in the same way, there is absolutely no room for me to say, "this isn't fair! Everyone else has reached their fundraising goals and now I am behind." The LAST thing I want from a Holy God is justice. If I am not experiencing the utter wrath and curses of God then I am experiencing God's mercy! Praise God that it's not fair! Praise God that I am not getting what I deserve! Because what I deserve is eternal separation from Him and punishment for my totally depraved heart. In this way, my envy of others who are further along than I am in raising their support is a form of pride. It is me saying that I deserve more than I have. But every inclination of my heart is only evil all the time (Genesis 6:5). I am in love with Gerry, Julius, and Willie because my heart longs to be that person that tirelessly works hard to rise above failure and get the glory that is deserved. But I pray that the Lord would change my heart. That my fears may be stilled and my strivings would cease so I would rest and delight in His glory. It does not depend on my effort. It depends on His mercy.

"Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to your name give glory, for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness." Psalm 115:1