Newark Day One

Has it really been a month?! Wow! Newark consumes me, but not in a bad way at all. I am so engaged in the battle for these kids hearts that there is often time for little else. I am able to get on the internet in limited bursts; maybe for about seven minutes each day with screaming kids and gangster music thumping in the background. Not a very suitable environment for my blogging habits. Nevertheless, during the first entire week I blogged about each day and have been waiting for a quiet moment to be able to get online to copy them over from Microsoft Word into the blogosphere. I have hardly noticed that an entire month has escaped. But without further ado, here is week one of Newark.

Day One
I am still a little unsure, but most of me loves this place. It is crowded and hot but the community is so vibrant. The first thing I noticed about Danny Iverson is how slowly he walks. We were on an errand to get my keys from my landlord and it took us about ten minutes to walk straight down the block. My fast-paced, often high-strung personality can't handle people who take 15 minutes to finish what could be finished in 3. Yet what is it about him that is so captivating? I'm reminded of that old hymn "The Love of Christ is Rich and Free" and the line that says "before the throne my Surety stands." I think that one of Danny Iverson's names for God is "Surety." Everything for him is secured and sure, so much so that he doesn't even hurry his steps or his conversation because he knows he will ultimately get where the Lord wants him to be. It brings a whole new meaning to Larry Crabb's phrase- "the pressure's off!" Still, I am making a mental note of the slowness of things around here, because I know that at some point my fast-paced craziness is going to want to butt heads with this environment.

The second man I met in Newark today is Leo. He is wonderful. He speaks Spanish and very broken English in such an accent that I struggle to understand most of what he says. But he introduced me to my attic apartment right above where he stays with his family. The stench of cigarette smoke coupled with bleach tells me he's spent most of today trying to scrub away the remaining aroma left by the smokers who used to live there. Aside from the smell, the apartment is more than I imagined I would have. The first room leads back into another room of equal size, which then leads back into the kitchen. The kitchen has a tiny door off to the side which opens up to the smallest and most disgusting bathroom I've ever seen. It is at the slanted part of the attic so I can't even stand up straight and I will have to come up with some sort of yoga-ish maneuver in order to squeeze past the shower doors into the tiny space for the shower. Still- what an adventure! As I check out the apartment I also meet Leo's little girls. Jularis, Estephanie, and Camilla. Estephanie speaks English, but two year old Camilla speaks a two year old version of Spanglish. I am in love with these girls. They look up at me like they can't believe I am actually talking to them and my heart is rejoicing in the opportunity to hang out with fun little neighbors! They took me outside to their "backyard" which is basically 9 square feet of sodded grass. This is where they jump rope or barbeque or play with their dolls. I can't wait to play with them!

Of all the things today, one of the greatest blessings has been having a dear old friend on the trip with me. He was randomly able to take some time off to drive the four hours with me, even letting me take over passenger seat half way through. He knows the city well so it has been so incredibly comforting just kind of following him through the day as I begin to learn more and more about this place I will call home. He is also good at asking for things, so when we discovered that the attic apartment didn't have an AC unit, he negotiated with the landlord to find me one- something I wouldn't have done in a million years but I would have died without. I am adventurous and independent, but I can't deny the sweet rest in following someone who is even more adventurous and independent than I am.

Last note- Leo knew that I was new to the city and wouldn't know how to find Walmart or the grocery store. So instead of telling me directions, he went to his car, took out his GPS and handed it to me. I get to use it for the summertime. I am in awe that he would entrust me with such a valuable object, and even more, that he would give up his own rights to use HIS GPS just to make me more comfortable. When I heard Shane Claiborne speak at JMU he told us "the best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them away." Leo embodied that for me today.

Pieces

Ah friends. One thing I have learned on my blogging journey is NEVER to EVER promise that a blog will soon come. The intentions were always good but somehow life got in the way. I vaguely remember the blog about Valentine's day. It was going to talk about how cute it was to log into Google and see an old man and woman holding hands walking into the sunset. There was probably going to be a big girlie *sigh* and I would have talked about how that is my dream (not to be depicted on Google of course, but to still be holding hands and enjoying sunsets at an old age). Next I was probably going to make fun of all those who mock Valentine's day calling it an over-comercialized holiday. Let's be honest- we're Americans, what do we NOT over-comercialize? Sure, in a house of seven girls, it's a little ridiculous to get home from work and see six boxes of flowers-in-the-mail sitting on our porch. But at the same time? It's TOTALLY FUN to have flowers all over the house! And shoot straight with me, since when do you need to have a significant other in order to devote a day to the celebration of love? Some of my favorite Valentine's days have been spent cooking dinner for my guys or watching chic-flicks with the girls. Probably my most favorite thing about Valentine's day is the chance you have to unexpectedly make someone else enjoy THEIR Valentine's day. I always send my Grandmas packages of heart shaped cookies and love letters. Nothing big, I'm not a romantic suitor that's going to sweep them off their feet, but I still love them and make their day every year. That is why I will never be sad about Valentine's day or selfish enough to turn the day into a day of wishing for romance. It is quite simply a celebration of love, and any celebration of love is a celebration of life itself.

There, now you have the outline of the blog I promised back in February. The second one I promised was going to be about an author I was reading at the time- Charles Spurgeon. I find his life and struggles fascinating. The man had such a complete trust in the Sovereign Lord. If one day my trust in the Lord compares to his in even the smallest way I will have grown tremendously. His work will surely be incorporated into many of my posts from here on out, so I will spare you the long post I would have originally written about him and his faithfulness.

My temptation is to hide when things get hard, hence the lack of blog posts. It wasn't just that life was hard, it was that it was hard in a way I had never experienced before. And so instead of learning much immediately and sharing, I had to take the longer route of rediscovering the Lord's goodness. And I am very much still in that process, I am just beginning to function better as I learn! I think my supervisor said it most accurately when he looked at me and said, "Lindsay, this year has broken you in so many ways, do you believe that God wants to restore you?" And I, the planned-out-answers, quick-on-my-feet, always-have-an-opinion-or-a-way-to-quickly-BS-the-right-response QUEEN, sat there dumbfounded. I felt like I wasn't even myself for a minute because I didn't have an answer and beyond that I wasn't even sure that the correct answer was yes.

So here I am, broken, as usual, and this time trying to truly believe in God's goodness. He is faithful my friends, and I know that He will show me. In fact, He already has in countless ways. It's just that my bruised and selfish heart is taking the slow route in understanding it all. My stubborn self doesn't want to firmly commit to anything that I haven't already fully investigated and comprehended. And so I say, I'm growing. There is hope. Always. Even when I'm not entirely sure what it looks like. But as I continue to put together the pieces of what exactly it all looks like, I will be posting to share with y'all. My heart delights in sharing Truth, and I can't hide away from that forever. :)