Pieces

Ah friends. One thing I have learned on my blogging journey is NEVER to EVER promise that a blog will soon come. The intentions were always good but somehow life got in the way. I vaguely remember the blog about Valentine's day. It was going to talk about how cute it was to log into Google and see an old man and woman holding hands walking into the sunset. There was probably going to be a big girlie *sigh* and I would have talked about how that is my dream (not to be depicted on Google of course, but to still be holding hands and enjoying sunsets at an old age). Next I was probably going to make fun of all those who mock Valentine's day calling it an over-comercialized holiday. Let's be honest- we're Americans, what do we NOT over-comercialize? Sure, in a house of seven girls, it's a little ridiculous to get home from work and see six boxes of flowers-in-the-mail sitting on our porch. But at the same time? It's TOTALLY FUN to have flowers all over the house! And shoot straight with me, since when do you need to have a significant other in order to devote a day to the celebration of love? Some of my favorite Valentine's days have been spent cooking dinner for my guys or watching chic-flicks with the girls. Probably my most favorite thing about Valentine's day is the chance you have to unexpectedly make someone else enjoy THEIR Valentine's day. I always send my Grandmas packages of heart shaped cookies and love letters. Nothing big, I'm not a romantic suitor that's going to sweep them off their feet, but I still love them and make their day every year. That is why I will never be sad about Valentine's day or selfish enough to turn the day into a day of wishing for romance. It is quite simply a celebration of love, and any celebration of love is a celebration of life itself.

There, now you have the outline of the blog I promised back in February. The second one I promised was going to be about an author I was reading at the time- Charles Spurgeon. I find his life and struggles fascinating. The man had such a complete trust in the Sovereign Lord. If one day my trust in the Lord compares to his in even the smallest way I will have grown tremendously. His work will surely be incorporated into many of my posts from here on out, so I will spare you the long post I would have originally written about him and his faithfulness.

My temptation is to hide when things get hard, hence the lack of blog posts. It wasn't just that life was hard, it was that it was hard in a way I had never experienced before. And so instead of learning much immediately and sharing, I had to take the longer route of rediscovering the Lord's goodness. And I am very much still in that process, I am just beginning to function better as I learn! I think my supervisor said it most accurately when he looked at me and said, "Lindsay, this year has broken you in so many ways, do you believe that God wants to restore you?" And I, the planned-out-answers, quick-on-my-feet, always-have-an-opinion-or-a-way-to-quickly-BS-the-right-response QUEEN, sat there dumbfounded. I felt like I wasn't even myself for a minute because I didn't have an answer and beyond that I wasn't even sure that the correct answer was yes.

So here I am, broken, as usual, and this time trying to truly believe in God's goodness. He is faithful my friends, and I know that He will show me. In fact, He already has in countless ways. It's just that my bruised and selfish heart is taking the slow route in understanding it all. My stubborn self doesn't want to firmly commit to anything that I haven't already fully investigated and comprehended. And so I say, I'm growing. There is hope. Always. Even when I'm not entirely sure what it looks like. But as I continue to put together the pieces of what exactly it all looks like, I will be posting to share with y'all. My heart delights in sharing Truth, and I can't hide away from that forever. :)